Monday, December 19, 2011
Alone With God
I'm sitting here typing, when I should be working, watching the clock. At 1:00 pm I finally get to see the surgeon that I'm praying will take this infernal gallbladder out. I find myself sitting in a classroom with 25 kids, but I'm all alone as I converse with God. I feel good about today. I pray Dr. Wyatt will be the latest angel to come to my rescue. I pray he will listen to my words and look upon me with compassion. He has the power to move me into surgery this week. I pray God will speak into his heart and he will do that for me.
As I've talked to God in silent prayer all morning, he's given me a tremendous sense of comfort and peace. I've asked him for a Christmas miracle. Having this surgery this week would be the best Christmas present I could ever have. To spend Christmas morning with my family as I recover and feel better would awesome. Just knowing all these health issues are going to be put to rest gives me a sense of nervous anticipation, but I don't want to undercut God. HE will care for me and I know that. He's seen fit to place angels all around me.
No matter what the outcome, I live in the here and now, not for tomorrow. I rejoice in the situation but pray for a wonderful, inspiring resolution to a two-month bout with the worst health issues I've ever faced. I've never had to face them alone. God has been right there and sends legions of angels to defend me.
So, as the morning progresses and I inch toward my appointment, I will continue to praise God and talk to him. I seek his will for me in this day. I am tired, but enthused today by what God is doing. I'm just ready to put this part of my life behind me, but never forget all the lessons I've learned. Praise be to the God of the storm who gently walks with us through it, holding our hands and protecting us from evil.
Time for more prayer. Gotta go.
As I've talked to God in silent prayer all morning, he's given me a tremendous sense of comfort and peace. I've asked him for a Christmas miracle. Having this surgery this week would be the best Christmas present I could ever have. To spend Christmas morning with my family as I recover and feel better would awesome. Just knowing all these health issues are going to be put to rest gives me a sense of nervous anticipation, but I don't want to undercut God. HE will care for me and I know that. He's seen fit to place angels all around me.
No matter what the outcome, I live in the here and now, not for tomorrow. I rejoice in the situation but pray for a wonderful, inspiring resolution to a two-month bout with the worst health issues I've ever faced. I've never had to face them alone. God has been right there and sends legions of angels to defend me.
So, as the morning progresses and I inch toward my appointment, I will continue to praise God and talk to him. I seek his will for me in this day. I am tired, but enthused today by what God is doing. I'm just ready to put this part of my life behind me, but never forget all the lessons I've learned. Praise be to the God of the storm who gently walks with us through it, holding our hands and protecting us from evil.
Time for more prayer. Gotta go.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
The Longest Run
5 years ago, this past November, I ran/walked 50 miles to raise money for diabetes. My daughter, Melissa, ran some of it with me, while my wife, Angela, slowly led the way in her Explorer. Alicia showed up from Oklahoma with a car-load of her friends to surprise us all on the journey in toward Amarillo. It was a day I'll never forget--November 4, 2006.
Fast forward to another day that is ever-present on my mind: October 17, 2011. That was day my doctor, whom I'd seen for some pain in my lower stomach, sent me to BSA to have a CT-scan performed. After reading my initial lab work there at his office, he became concerned about a possible infection, so he sent me for more tests. Little did I know that day would become the beginning of the longest run of my life.
I've been a runner for 16 years, running 5 and 10K races, logged a half marathon, some long trail runs, and traversed the monumental day in November 2006. I've stood over my daughter, Melissa's bed and watched her fight for her life as she languished in a diabetic coma. Thanks be to God she awakened and lived. That same year my wife had a stroke coming out of knee surgery. My oldest daughter, Alicia, had a serious car accident that gave her a serious infection. The Paxtons are no strangers to adversities. Or so I thought.
It's one thing to watch someone else go through pain and suffering and quite another when it's your own. October 17 began a long run for me that's still going. The results of that CT scan showed I did, indeed, have a lower GI infection and an abnormality in my bladder. This caused my doctor great concern, so he referred me to a gastroenterologist. My primary care physician, Marc Irwin, is one of the nicest, most godly men you'll ever meet. He is so compassionate and was greatly worried for me.
About a week or so later, I entered the world of Dr. Thannoun, a GI doc. Having taught his son, I was well aware of him and heard he was a very thorough physician. He sent me for yet another CT scan, this time with all the junk I had to drink and stuff shot in my veins. It revealed some abnormalities that he decided to pursue in an upper GI scoping. The results of all blood, urine, labs, and scopings showed I had some inflammation, but the infection was passing.
Back the truck up just a sec so I can explain the arduous, disgusting way the infection was cured. Dr. Irwin prescribed Cipro, a strong antibiotic. This stuff made me so sick. I couldn't eat, sleep, or do much. I began to lose weight and started missing work. I felt so yucky it was hard to face each day with any sort of enthusiasm. Yet, my God was there and walked me through it all and we got through it.
Now, back to results of the scope. Thannoun said I should start feeling better, to continue taking the prescription antacids for the now horrible acid reflux I had developed and he'd see me at the follow-up. I thought that would be the end of it. It wasn't.
The acid in my gut keep getting worse. I would have a lot of tossing and turning and more sleepless nights. I couldn't eat well and lost even more weight. I began at 228 and by now was down to 215 when I hit Dr. Irwin's door again on November 11. He got me on something that would ease the suffering and "guaranteed" I would eat Thanksgiving dinner. Two weeks later, he was right, but I paid for it in the way I felt all that night.
All this time I'd been praying faithfully, asking God for relief, telling him I'd change whatever it took in my heart if that's what he wanted. And it seemed like things still weren't getting any better. Why? What was wrong with me? But I wanted to remain faithful to God, so I kept praying.
We hit the end of November and began heading into December. I started trying to exercise again, which my doctor thought would be good for me. I'd lost close to 20 pounds, had begun hanging with the Beachbody crowd from school, and drinking Shakeology protein shakes since they were easier on my tummy. The acid reflux was still around, making it tough to eat or drink the coffee I loved and had every morning. All of the sudden, I began to have a slight, dull burn in my right side. Both Dr. Irwin and me thought maybe I'd overdone it a bit doing the Insanity workout. Yes, I'm crazy. Little did we know how wrong we were.
On December 11, I was sent for a HIDA scan which is a nuclear test done to determine gallbladder activity. I prayed pretty hard that morning and really thought in my mind, "This can't be my gallbladder." Well, the next day confirmed I would need to have that puppy removed. Hallelujah! Although I was a little down at the news, I at least had answers as to why I felt so bad. By now the acid reflux had been subsiding so that's why the latest prognosis left me a little taken aback. But, if this was the way to get the healing I needed, let it be. Praise God! The next day, the surgeon's nurse called to schedule the consult. This was going to be it.
By Thursday, the 13th I was a wreck. I hurt all over and I could feel a twinge in my bladder. I had to urinate frequently which wasn't good. So, I got up Friday morning and called my urologist, Dr. Wilhelm, who immediately prescribed some medication to ease the discomfort. All day I prayed to God, asking him for relief. I believe he answered me because as I was about to leave school to go to the ER, the surgeon's nurse returned me call. I told her I was miserable and had bladder discomfort and would just go to the ER and perhaps they could remove my gallbladder over the weekend. She said in her 30-years experience there was no way my bladder pain was coming from the gallbladder. So, I wound up back at my good and faithful doctor, Marc Irwin. I now believe that was an intervention from God, sparing me from the ER. Dr. Irwin rushed me in, took a urine sample, and confirmed the inevitable--a bladder infection. My urologist had suspected some cystitis in our earlier visit, but wanted to hang in there and see what happened with the gallbladder. So, back on antibiotics I went and now here we are today with me writing about this whole experience. It has made me feel better to put it into words.
My hope and prayer is my Monday surgical consult will go well. That my infection will cease and Dr. Wilhelm, whom I respect tremendously, will find a way to get to cause of my bladder woes, resolve them, and I can still have my surgery in a matter of weeks.
Now, for the good part. All this time, as I stated earlier, I've been asking God to grow patience in me--to change my heart. I don't want to be the same Gregg Paxton when I come out of this. You notice I said when because I believe I'm going to get well. I can't be the same guy. The guy that worried about finances and sweated all the small stuff in life. Who made my family miserable on vacations, what few we've taken, because of trying to adhere to schedules or watching every penny. I can't be the same guy that looked at people in the world and only saw the outer covering and ignoring the pain in their hearts and looking for Jesus in them. I want to smash the old Gregg Paxton into bits and leave him behind. Like my Savior, my sweet Jesus, I want to arise resurrected as something new. As something pure. As someone who loves God with all his heart, mind, strength, and soul and loves others before himself. I want to dance with my wife in a way I've never done before. I want to love my children as only a man with a heart of God can. My friends deserve a new and better friend. The world needs a worker that will seek the lost everywhere he goes.
So, the run continues and it'll never end. All this health stuff I do believe will finally come to a resolution, but in God's will not mine. I pray for new eyes to see with, new ears to hear with, and a heart that beats to serve HIM, not me! I have been a selfish, stubborn, blind person for too long. It's time for me to carry on the longest run all the way to the cross.
I appreciate you reading this and pray you will leave me some comments. I want to make this a regular thing, blogging about my health experiences and where I believe God is leading me. May God bless you and if you get the chance, pray for me. Pray for my healing, inside and out.
Fast forward to another day that is ever-present on my mind: October 17, 2011. That was day my doctor, whom I'd seen for some pain in my lower stomach, sent me to BSA to have a CT-scan performed. After reading my initial lab work there at his office, he became concerned about a possible infection, so he sent me for more tests. Little did I know that day would become the beginning of the longest run of my life.
I've been a runner for 16 years, running 5 and 10K races, logged a half marathon, some long trail runs, and traversed the monumental day in November 2006. I've stood over my daughter, Melissa's bed and watched her fight for her life as she languished in a diabetic coma. Thanks be to God she awakened and lived. That same year my wife had a stroke coming out of knee surgery. My oldest daughter, Alicia, had a serious car accident that gave her a serious infection. The Paxtons are no strangers to adversities. Or so I thought.
It's one thing to watch someone else go through pain and suffering and quite another when it's your own. October 17 began a long run for me that's still going. The results of that CT scan showed I did, indeed, have a lower GI infection and an abnormality in my bladder. This caused my doctor great concern, so he referred me to a gastroenterologist. My primary care physician, Marc Irwin, is one of the nicest, most godly men you'll ever meet. He is so compassionate and was greatly worried for me.
About a week or so later, I entered the world of Dr. Thannoun, a GI doc. Having taught his son, I was well aware of him and heard he was a very thorough physician. He sent me for yet another CT scan, this time with all the junk I had to drink and stuff shot in my veins. It revealed some abnormalities that he decided to pursue in an upper GI scoping. The results of all blood, urine, labs, and scopings showed I had some inflammation, but the infection was passing.
Back the truck up just a sec so I can explain the arduous, disgusting way the infection was cured. Dr. Irwin prescribed Cipro, a strong antibiotic. This stuff made me so sick. I couldn't eat, sleep, or do much. I began to lose weight and started missing work. I felt so yucky it was hard to face each day with any sort of enthusiasm. Yet, my God was there and walked me through it all and we got through it.
Now, back to results of the scope. Thannoun said I should start feeling better, to continue taking the prescription antacids for the now horrible acid reflux I had developed and he'd see me at the follow-up. I thought that would be the end of it. It wasn't.
The acid in my gut keep getting worse. I would have a lot of tossing and turning and more sleepless nights. I couldn't eat well and lost even more weight. I began at 228 and by now was down to 215 when I hit Dr. Irwin's door again on November 11. He got me on something that would ease the suffering and "guaranteed" I would eat Thanksgiving dinner. Two weeks later, he was right, but I paid for it in the way I felt all that night.
All this time I'd been praying faithfully, asking God for relief, telling him I'd change whatever it took in my heart if that's what he wanted. And it seemed like things still weren't getting any better. Why? What was wrong with me? But I wanted to remain faithful to God, so I kept praying.
We hit the end of November and began heading into December. I started trying to exercise again, which my doctor thought would be good for me. I'd lost close to 20 pounds, had begun hanging with the Beachbody crowd from school, and drinking Shakeology protein shakes since they were easier on my tummy. The acid reflux was still around, making it tough to eat or drink the coffee I loved and had every morning. All of the sudden, I began to have a slight, dull burn in my right side. Both Dr. Irwin and me thought maybe I'd overdone it a bit doing the Insanity workout. Yes, I'm crazy. Little did we know how wrong we were.
On December 11, I was sent for a HIDA scan which is a nuclear test done to determine gallbladder activity. I prayed pretty hard that morning and really thought in my mind, "This can't be my gallbladder." Well, the next day confirmed I would need to have that puppy removed. Hallelujah! Although I was a little down at the news, I at least had answers as to why I felt so bad. By now the acid reflux had been subsiding so that's why the latest prognosis left me a little taken aback. But, if this was the way to get the healing I needed, let it be. Praise God! The next day, the surgeon's nurse called to schedule the consult. This was going to be it.
By Thursday, the 13th I was a wreck. I hurt all over and I could feel a twinge in my bladder. I had to urinate frequently which wasn't good. So, I got up Friday morning and called my urologist, Dr. Wilhelm, who immediately prescribed some medication to ease the discomfort. All day I prayed to God, asking him for relief. I believe he answered me because as I was about to leave school to go to the ER, the surgeon's nurse returned me call. I told her I was miserable and had bladder discomfort and would just go to the ER and perhaps they could remove my gallbladder over the weekend. She said in her 30-years experience there was no way my bladder pain was coming from the gallbladder. So, I wound up back at my good and faithful doctor, Marc Irwin. I now believe that was an intervention from God, sparing me from the ER. Dr. Irwin rushed me in, took a urine sample, and confirmed the inevitable--a bladder infection. My urologist had suspected some cystitis in our earlier visit, but wanted to hang in there and see what happened with the gallbladder. So, back on antibiotics I went and now here we are today with me writing about this whole experience. It has made me feel better to put it into words.
My hope and prayer is my Monday surgical consult will go well. That my infection will cease and Dr. Wilhelm, whom I respect tremendously, will find a way to get to cause of my bladder woes, resolve them, and I can still have my surgery in a matter of weeks.
Now, for the good part. All this time, as I stated earlier, I've been asking God to grow patience in me--to change my heart. I don't want to be the same Gregg Paxton when I come out of this. You notice I said when because I believe I'm going to get well. I can't be the same guy. The guy that worried about finances and sweated all the small stuff in life. Who made my family miserable on vacations, what few we've taken, because of trying to adhere to schedules or watching every penny. I can't be the same guy that looked at people in the world and only saw the outer covering and ignoring the pain in their hearts and looking for Jesus in them. I want to smash the old Gregg Paxton into bits and leave him behind. Like my Savior, my sweet Jesus, I want to arise resurrected as something new. As something pure. As someone who loves God with all his heart, mind, strength, and soul and loves others before himself. I want to dance with my wife in a way I've never done before. I want to love my children as only a man with a heart of God can. My friends deserve a new and better friend. The world needs a worker that will seek the lost everywhere he goes.
So, the run continues and it'll never end. All this health stuff I do believe will finally come to a resolution, but in God's will not mine. I pray for new eyes to see with, new ears to hear with, and a heart that beats to serve HIM, not me! I have been a selfish, stubborn, blind person for too long. It's time for me to carry on the longest run all the way to the cross.
I appreciate you reading this and pray you will leave me some comments. I want to make this a regular thing, blogging about my health experiences and where I believe God is leading me. May God bless you and if you get the chance, pray for me. Pray for my healing, inside and out.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Runner Built Like a Linebacker
A good friend of mine refers to me by that title. Whenever I walk past him at church he says "there's goes the runner built like a linebacker." While I'm no Brian Urlacher or Demarcus Ware, or even Ray Lewis, I'm pretty proud to be singled out in that manner. I don't have the guns like these monsters of the gridiron, but at 6'1" and 225 lbs, I'm a pretty big guy to be a runner. I wish I possessed the speed of the Cowboys' Ware or the Green Bay Packers' Clay Matthews. Then, I'd really be sight to behold in a 5K race.
Anymore, my pace is closer to 9:00 per mile and if I bear down and push it, I can rack off an 8:30. Just knowing someone associates me with some of the best athletes in the NFL makes me swell with pride--although, my buddy may be referring to my soft mid-section more than my pecs or forearms.
Still, I can hold my head high as I'm running down the street, or walking to my pew at church, knowing somebody thinks I look pretty good for a fat, old man.
Here's wishing everyone good running days ahead as spring is rapidly approaching.
TFR (aka: The Linebacker)
Anymore, my pace is closer to 9:00 per mile and if I bear down and push it, I can rack off an 8:30. Just knowing someone associates me with some of the best athletes in the NFL makes me swell with pride--although, my buddy may be referring to my soft mid-section more than my pecs or forearms.
Still, I can hold my head high as I'm running down the street, or walking to my pew at church, knowing somebody thinks I look pretty good for a fat, old man.
Here's wishing everyone good running days ahead as spring is rapidly approaching.
TFR (aka: The Linebacker)
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Running Music
There's a great website out there that provides FREE running music downloads to spice up your workouts. The site is called Podrunner (www.podrunner.com ) and you'll find some terrific techno mixes for 5K, 8K, and 10K training. You can also access and download archived music for your iPod or other MP3 devices. I used the interval workout today at the gym and it was great. Each song plays at a specific beat to either speed up or slow down your pace.
In related news, I've decided to ditch my iPod for a cheaper MP3 player. I can't access the iTunes store no matter what I try. After doing a Google search of reasons behind the problems I'm experiencing, I've found myriad forums addressing similar issues with iTunes, specifically getting error messages when trying to access the store. Does Apple want our business or what? Or, are they so filthy rich they don't need my piddly money? At any rate, I surrender and am flying the white flag. San Disk offers some really nice WMA players at a great price. And, the real kicker is something Apple refuses to put in the iPod--an FM tuner. I've wanted that for so long and now I can have it. Thank you Apple for helping me see the error of my ways!
I digress. The point of today's blog is to share Podrunner with you. I hope you'll find it a good source for free workout music. Go check it out.
Happy running!
TFR
In related news, I've decided to ditch my iPod for a cheaper MP3 player. I can't access the iTunes store no matter what I try. After doing a Google search of reasons behind the problems I'm experiencing, I've found myriad forums addressing similar issues with iTunes, specifically getting error messages when trying to access the store. Does Apple want our business or what? Or, are they so filthy rich they don't need my piddly money? At any rate, I surrender and am flying the white flag. San Disk offers some really nice WMA players at a great price. And, the real kicker is something Apple refuses to put in the iPod--an FM tuner. I've wanted that for so long and now I can have it. Thank you Apple for helping me see the error of my ways!
I digress. The point of today's blog is to share Podrunner with you. I hope you'll find it a good source for free workout music. Go check it out.
Happy running!
TFR
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Honoring Connor
Last week, I was contacted by the father of one my former students, Connor Deal. Connor passed away two years ago this month from complications due to pneumonia. He was a vibrant, handsome young man with an incredible smile and passion for life. Connor loved Star Wars and hoped to be a film director when he grew up.
I had the privilege of being Connor's art teacher. He sat just two tables over from my desk and there's rarely a day that passes I don't think about him as I'm going by that table. The tree and commemorative stone set in his memory are located just a few yards from my window. I see them every day and he's always present somewhere in my life.
Perhaps the most important thing I have that keeps him close to my heart is something his mother, Nan, gave me a few days after his funeral. My boss called me into his office that day. He told me Mrs. Deal had been by to say thank you for all the prayers from our staff and had left a gift for me. He left me to be alone in his office and closed the door so I could view it in privacy. I guess he knew what was going to happen when I opened the large, manila envelope setting on his desk. I reached over, took it, and broke the seal. Inside I found a drawing done by Connor and an essay he wrote for his language arts class. The essay was entitled, "My Favorites." I began to read his words, hearing his voice. He discussed his favorite foods, how much he liked Star Wars, and who his friends were. The final lines were all about me, and I paraphrase..."my favorite class is art...and my favorite teacher is Mr. Paxton." I broke down and wept.
Mrs. Deal did more than leave me a gift. She gave me a treasure...Connor's legacy. That picture and letter are with me at school and I will cherish them forever.
On March 5, at 9:00 am, at Bonham Middle School, runners, walkers, and friends will assemble at Connor's tree to honor him with the first annual Honor Connor 5K Fun Run. When the race is over, we'll all celebrate the morning and the life of a young man who never got to live his dreams, but his memory will live on at Bonham and in the hearts of those who knew him. I will never forget Connor and will always value the brief opportunity I got to be in his presence.
If you're reading this, I hope you'll join us at Bonham this March as we "honor Connor."
Happy running!
TFR
I had the privilege of being Connor's art teacher. He sat just two tables over from my desk and there's rarely a day that passes I don't think about him as I'm going by that table. The tree and commemorative stone set in his memory are located just a few yards from my window. I see them every day and he's always present somewhere in my life.
Perhaps the most important thing I have that keeps him close to my heart is something his mother, Nan, gave me a few days after his funeral. My boss called me into his office that day. He told me Mrs. Deal had been by to say thank you for all the prayers from our staff and had left a gift for me. He left me to be alone in his office and closed the door so I could view it in privacy. I guess he knew what was going to happen when I opened the large, manila envelope setting on his desk. I reached over, took it, and broke the seal. Inside I found a drawing done by Connor and an essay he wrote for his language arts class. The essay was entitled, "My Favorites." I began to read his words, hearing his voice. He discussed his favorite foods, how much he liked Star Wars, and who his friends were. The final lines were all about me, and I paraphrase..."my favorite class is art...and my favorite teacher is Mr. Paxton." I broke down and wept.
Mrs. Deal did more than leave me a gift. She gave me a treasure...Connor's legacy. That picture and letter are with me at school and I will cherish them forever.
On March 5, at 9:00 am, at Bonham Middle School, runners, walkers, and friends will assemble at Connor's tree to honor him with the first annual Honor Connor 5K Fun Run. When the race is over, we'll all celebrate the morning and the life of a young man who never got to live his dreams, but his memory will live on at Bonham and in the hearts of those who knew him. I will never forget Connor and will always value the brief opportunity I got to be in his presence.
If you're reading this, I hope you'll join us at Bonham this March as we "honor Connor."
Happy running!
TFR
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Baby It's Cold Outside
Let's get one thing straight...I HATE winter! Although we haven't experienced a tremendous volume of cold in my area, it's still been cold. And cold weather makes for lousy running. Today has been our warmest day in a week and I finally got to see the real road for a change. I've spent an entire week inside on the fake road and I'm sick of it. My left knee is hurting from pounding on the treadmill.
Ol' Punxsatawney (sp?) Phil predicts an early spring and I'm praying the prognosticating little varmint is right. Running is my sanctuary and I haven't been able to fully enjoy it so far. Maybe, just maybe, our furry, chubby friend from Pennsylvania has nailed it on the head and warmer days are coming soon.
With racing season right around the corner, let's pray for sunny days and good training opportunities. The road is your oyster...go cultivate the pearl.
Happy running!
TFR
Ol' Punxsatawney (sp?) Phil predicts an early spring and I'm praying the prognosticating little varmint is right. Running is my sanctuary and I haven't been able to fully enjoy it so far. Maybe, just maybe, our furry, chubby friend from Pennsylvania has nailed it on the head and warmer days are coming soon.
With racing season right around the corner, let's pray for sunny days and good training opportunities. The road is your oyster...go cultivate the pearl.
Happy running!
TFR
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