2008...can you believe it's already here? This time two years ago, my wife and I were sitting next to my daughter's bed, wondering if she would awake from a coma. We were on day four of her unconsciousness and had ridden a wild roller coaster of emotions as her condition would worsen and then improve only to regress. I still call December 31, 2006 and those wee hours on January 1st the darkest time of my life.
By the early morning of New Year's Day '06, I had poured my heart and soul out to God in a last desperate attempt to beg for my child's life. It was only after I realized that God is God and I am not did things begin to happen. At a little after 6:00 am, Melissa opened her eyes. She recognized and acknowledged everyone around her bed. It was indeed a miracle. She couldn't speak for the ventilator tube in her throat. Her body was wired to every imaginable type of IV and monitor. It had been a frightening, harrowing 5 days and I never want to go through that again.
A godly man would've dropped to his knees and resolved right then and there to live a life above reproach until his last breath. But I didn't. I paid my lip-service "homage" to God, promising him I would change. I thanked him in words but not in actions. Since my daughter's awakening our lives have been nothing short of turbulent and most of it is my fault.
Rather than acknowledge God's greatness and the gift I'd received by getting my daughter back, I still went on my way trying to control my life, instead of giving it to the Lord. I worried about money and how we would pay all these hospital bills. The fact Melissa would need insulin and supplies every three months would now place a weight on my heart. I ran up our credit card to pay bills and get the meds she would need. And I worried and passed that along to my family. I know I've made Melissa feel guilty about being a type-1 diabetic, like it was her choice. I've not been the man my family and my God calls me to be.
It's time for me to fulfill my promises to God, my family, and myself. For starters, I must make time for all three. God needs all of me, not just my words. He needs my time, my heart, and my actions. He needs me to be in his word to learn more about what he's asking of me. The same is true for my family. They need a godly man to lead us, not some wimp that complains about everything.
As for me, I've got to put aside the things that really don't matter and focus on following God and taking care of my family. Control is something I don't give up easily, but if you look at my life you'll quickly see I have no control over anything. If you examine your own lives you'll see the same is true. God is in control. He is God and we are not. He hung the stars and made the universe and didn't need my help.
So, my resolution is to be the son of God I was created for, to love my family, to live life to the fullest, and quit worrying about things.
As usual, I'd like to lose a few pounds and maybe run a half-marathon, or two. And, I'd like to start a new career. I pray new windows open and I can leave my present job and begin a new one. But I'll leave that to God.
God bless you all and Happy New Year!!!
The Fat Runner
2 comments:
Nice thoughts ... nobody's perfect, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I think god expects us to be human and to react emotionally to things that shock or hurt or surprise us. I do hope 2008 brings you and your family a repreive from the all the turbulence you have experienced the last 2 years. You guys deserve some peace and contentment. Cheers, Adrienne
2008 will be great, no matter what.
We're going to have a great semester and not worry about anyone else.
Kickball is just a few months away!!!
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