There's Always Tomorrow

I accidentally hit enter and all I posted was a title. What a great way to start a blog.

There's always tomorrow. At least that's what I thought two years ago. In the span of those two years, I've witnessed my wife's stroke, youngest daughter's coma and subsequent awakening, and both my kids sustaining serious car accidents. If I were a superstitious man, I'd say I'm jinxed.

You would think that after all this I'd live more for today and let tomorrow take care of itself. God keeps giving me these examples of how fragile my life is and I keep blowing him off.

Last week, my father was diagnosed with liver cancer that had metastasized into the lymph nodes in his neck. He wasn't given much of a chance for survival, even with chemo. He wanted to fight the illness and decided to take the treatments no matter the cost.

Three days after getting out of the hospital he was home and feeling a little better. He had taken his first round of chemotherapy. My wife went by to see him and reported he was looking much better. She said she kissed him good-bye and told him and my mom I'd be coming over the next day. That was my "tomorrow."

That night, I decided to hop into the shower, clean up, and then go back and finish watching the baseball game. While in the shower my sister called, screaming my dad wasn't breathing and the paramedics were there working on him. I quickly began getting dressed to meet the ambulance at the hospital, just a mile away. By the time we were down the street my sister called again, saying my dad was dead. Tomorrow wouldn't come.

Junior, as he is known, was really my stepfather. He married my mom 37 years ago. I was raised by someone else in our family as my mom pursued a life with him. They had my sister in 1971 and were living in a nearby city. We moved away from them a few years later. Thus began a strange and distant relationship with my real mom, stepfather, and little sister.

I grew up not knowing how to feel about him. I never fully understood how to take anything he said to me. At times, I feared him and at other times, I hated him. He had never done anything to me, but I just didn't embrace him.

It took me many years to finally understand my stepfather. I guess it was the day he introduced me to some of his co-workers as his "son" that I began to see him in a different light.

When my girls were born he treated them like gold. He always loved them and spoiled them. They were his granddaughters and he'd tell you so. They loved him very much.

Now, after years of trying to get to know him, I realized I still don't. It came to me as my mom, sister, and I were trying to pick a casket and arrange his funeral. As we were writing his obituary it struck me how little I actually know about the man.

I sat with him in the den on countless occasions, searching for something to talk about, some common ground, but we were so different. I was an athlete and avid sports fan and he's a fisherman and musician. There were often times we sat in silence and just stared at the TV.

It all came crashing on me when I ran into their house after a 10-mile, 80 mph trek across town to be there after that fateful phone call. There he was, on the floor, his body covered with a blanket. The breathing tube was still protruding from his mouth. It was more than I could bare. I wanted that tube out and I wanted it out right then. I bowed down next to him and said a quick prayer. Tomorrow had come, but it was still today.

Tomorrow. What a word. It means we anticipated something and it's arrogant for us to think that way. We have no guarantees in life. Certainly not for tomorrow, or in the next hour, or even 15 minutes.

Tomorrow, we will bury my dad. I wish I had a thousand tomorrows but I only have right now. I want my kids to know who I am. I hope I have some tomorrows to share with my grandchildren. I want them to know who I am and how much I love them. My grandchildren are just a concept but I already love them and have visions for their futures. But there I go again. That's one big tomorrow. I have the here and now and I better get busy letting people know how much I love them. I really better listen to what God is saying. He's given me so many lessons, but I always take the Scarlett O'Hara way out.

"Tomorrow's another day." Maybe so, but today's not over. It's 14 minutes until tomorrow so I better get busy telling my kids I love them. I think I'll do just that.

That's my BIG confession for TODAY! What's yours?

God bless you!!!




TFR