Long Time, No See

My computer went all chicken fried the other day, so I've been offline for a while. Well, I've got a new PC and I'm back in business.

What's new? Let's see, school has started in earnest. We are off and running. Here's how my first day went. It's 8:15 am and I'm addressing my first period sixth grade babies and in walks my next door neighbor, also an art teacher. One of her special ed students was having an episode and kicking his assistant that works with him. So, I went in and removed him from class. After 15 minutes of restraining this kid and having him grab my tie, which is a big no-no, I was sweaty and in a bad mood. The year will be pretty much downhill from there.

Since this is called Confessions of a Fat Runner, I have a confession for you: I can't stand my job! Don't get me wrong. I have some wonderful kids and that I really do care about, but overall, I don't want to be a teacher anymore. I have never felt a true "calling" into the profession. I've kind of painted myself into a corner by getting a Master's degree in Education. That and $1 will get you a cup of coffee. I don't see a lot of options for me, or future in the teaching business, for that matter.

For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a lawyer. I can recall being a teenager and being captivated by law programs on television. I wanted to know everything I could about law. You'd think I would've gone into something like that since it was my dream to be an attorney, but my life took some very strange turns that kept me from pursuing that desire.

Without revealing too much about myself (you never know who is reading this), I was a lousy stinking bum coming out of high school. I was lucky to graduate and it took some creative grade juggling on the part of my counselor to get me through. I was smart--too smart-- and terribly lazy.

I've always struggled with self-esteem issues, which is probably why I've always been fat. At one time in my life I ballooned over 315 lbs. I didn't want to work and I squandered my financial aid in college. My first years in a university were an absolute waste. My high school counselor bought me a second chance and I wasted it.

I met my wife in college and I still didn't straighten out. It was like I was in this stupor that rendered me incapable of wanting anything for my life. I cared about very little, including God. This all left me pretty apathetic to life and very down about my future.

Fast forward almost 15 years later. I walked across the stage at age 37, finally receiving my Bachelor's degree in Business. Business? What the heck did I know about business? It was a means to an end and it got me out of school. From there, and since I had been working for our school district anyway, I decided to get a teaching certificate. While working on that certificate I stayed in and completed the coursework for a Master's. 3 years and $30,000 in student loans later I received my second degree.

I've come to the realization my Master's has been an utter waste of time. If you don't move into administration you get very little compensation for an advanced degree in my profession. It's a shame. In a business that works to shape the minds of our future leaders, we get nothing for working our tails off to further our own education.

I interviewed 7 times this summer for an administration position, striking out every time. I walked back into my classroom defeated, with little self-esteem or motivation to teach. Right now, I don't even know what my next move will be. I'm pretty lost.

That brings me to what I mentioned earlier--being a lawyer. How can a 43-year old man, with a mortgage, and two car payments, find a way to go to law school? If you have any ideas, please let me know. I desperately want to do this, but I don't know how to make it work. I want my wife, who has taught for 19 years and is growing more discouraged with her job each day, to be able to quit and stay home.

Now you see my dilemma. I want to live and believe Paul's words that everything is "rubbish" but it's so hard to do when your heart desires something more, something greater. It's not about the money. It's about being happy with what I do and I'll never be happy teaching.

I guess I'll run and think and maybe run some more. Now if I could find a way to earn a living from running, I'd do that in a heartbeat. But when you're a fat runner, you're lucky all you get to do is teach, I guess.

That's my confession--what's yours?

Send me your ideas. I've love to hear them.

God bless and ever forward!



TFR