If I Can Make It Til December

With regards to Merle Haggard, I think teachers came up with that saying. Here we are, right on the edge of December and Christmas break seems a long way off.

As I walked back into school this morning still reeling from having to leave the warmth and safety of the home I took refuge in during Thanksgiving break, it was freezing. It seems someone forgot that, oh...we were back in school again today! Instead of leaving the heat on low during the holiday the district shut it all off, then didn't get it fired up in time for us to return. It was a lovely 55 degrees in my classroom when I hit the door, suitable for hanging dressed meats and/or dead body storage.

All this did was make me want to run back to my truck and get the hell out of Dodge. I didn't miss work one iota while on sabbatical and this reinforced my feelings. I've got a couple of friends that got out of teaching last year and the other day I asked them if they missed it. Both of them gave me an emphatic "NO!" One told me you'd think after being in the classroom for 20 years you would miss something about it, but he doesn't at all. The other said she's happy tutoring from time to time but doesn't miss all the crap that was being dog-piled on her by an increasingly apathetic system that cares more about test scores than real classroom performance.

I'm hanging in with the hopes I can become an administrator after last summer's demoralizing 0-for-7 interview debacle, losing out to some people who we should just say should never be running a school. But I'm not bitter. God just had other plans for me at the time. I'm hoping he's ready for me to move into administration. I want to make a difference, not only in the lives of students, but in teachers' and staff members' as well. I am not a yes man, so that probably doesn't get me any brownie points. I believe in being firm and doing my job and letting that stand as my barometer of worthiness for promotion.

This spring semester will be my swan song. I have no plans to return to teaching for another year. I will place all my eggs in the administrative basket and if that doesn't work out, it's time for me to go. My neighbor at school has heard me say this over and over again, but I think she knows I'm finally at the end of my rope and it's do or die time.

After 6 years, and what I hope has been a fruitful experience for my kids, and a total of 15 years working in the system, I will walk away in June if I'm unable to promote. I don't have the patience to stick around and try year after year, like some have done. There has to be something else out there for me to do. I just have to let God light the path. I pray I'll get a crack at being an assistant principal next year, but I also wouldn't mind a fresh start in a brand new arena doing something totally opposite what I've done for so long.

So, if I can make 'til December, I'll have a chance to rest and gather my thoughts and get the energy to face what looks to be my final semester as a teacher. Right now I'm fighting respiratory crud and a return visit from H-pylori (a bacterial infection in the stomach caused by stress) that almost put me in the hospital last year. So, I can barely think about going to work right now as my head, chest, and stomach are wearing me out.

For now, I have to stay focused on the task at hand and that is teaching for another 18 and 1/2 days. I'll do my best to hang in there. My colleagues are all worn out and tired and need some rest. Too many of us are dealing with health issues which no doubt is brought on by the stress of our jobs, but at least we're not in Iraq, or working a job where we face our own mortality every day, so when you put it into the proper perspective, it's not that bad. But as a friend once said, "Misery is relative." So it is...and so it goes.

That's my lengthy confession. What's yours?




TFR